


Feelings

by Ascent_96



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Romance, bandfic but seungseok-centric, wooseok has unhealthy eating habits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-01-16 14:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21272966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ascent_96/pseuds/Ascent_96
Summary: That fine line between friendship and love, would it be better for us to not cross it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my first story on X1 and seungseok, inspired by Feelings by Lauv hence the title and summary ^^. some parts of the story are referenced from real X1 events, while some parts are purely fictional so please keep that in mind to not get confused. hope you will enjoy reading the story!

The day when Kim Wooseok started as an X1 member, it was with mixed feelings of happiness, anxiety, hope and fear all jumbled up into one.

Therefore, he wasn’t quite sure how he should react when he met the members in their new dorm where they are supposed to live for the next few years possibly. Even as they greeted each other at the entrance, Wooseok still had that light-headed feeling of not being able to sink in the fact that he is now officially an X1 member.

It had been his dream since he first decided to participate in the reality survival show, knowing he was putting everything at stake for it. If he failed there, he knew his career would just gradually plateaued before fading out completely. Like a ghost.

However, life had its own plan for him. A wonderful one. And now here he is, finding himself amidst the 10 other members who had made it through together with him. Just from that alone, there was immediately an invisible connection felt amongst them for hurdling through, without doubt, one of the most challenging and emotionally-charged experience in their lives ever. Therefore, the feeling of togetherness and respect towards each other was naturally formed.

Among all the members here, Cho Seungyeon was the one who he had known the longest. They had known each other even prior to joining the reality show because of their mutual friends. Plus, they were of the same age. To add to that, they were also teammates a few times during the show. And so naturally, Wooseok felt the closest to Seungyeon.

There was also something about Seungyeon which simply make Wooseok comfortable. Probably not only Wooseok who feels this, but others too. Undeniably, Seungyeon is a person who can make people laugh easily. Basically, the moodmaker regardless if its the first time meeting or not. He simply exuded that aura of friendliness and cheerfulness wherever he goes.

Therefore it wasn’t a rare sight when Wooseok sees Seungyeon already lighting up the atmosphere with his humour as they settled down into their new home, exclaiming excitedly as he checked the area downstairs then running upstairs to check the bedrooms, all the while his footsteps making such loud noises throughout the whole house. Of course, when the younger ones saw the second eldest making such a commotion naturally they felt inclined to follow after him.

And so there was only Han Seungwoo, who was the eldest, to burden that responsibility to control the situation from getting too out of hand and reprimand them from making too much noise. Its like having a house full of 5 year olds, Seungwoo would sigh as he said that. Wooseok laughed, couldn’t help but to agree. Then again, rather than them being in an awkward adult-like situation he much preferred this childish situation where everyone is just in their own element.

Afterall, they are going to live together and work as a team from now on.

“Yah, you kids, I’m claiming the biggest room for myself!!!” From upstairs, the high-pitched voice of Seungyeon echoed throughout the whole house followed by the loud complaints from the younger ones. Seungwoo, who was insistent all these while on not getting involved in the childhish commotion, suddenly got nervous and got out from his seat to run upstairs. “Yah, you guys can’t just pick whichever room you like just like that! We need to decide this fairly!”

From the living room, Wooseok laughed again as he watched everything.

Maybe there won’t be too much problem getting along afterall if its with these guys.


	2. Chapter 2

Work immediately commenced for them after they got settled in their new dorm. They were brought to the company and discussion for their debut was carried out.

For a few weeks, they woke up at 5am, took an hour journey in the van to go to the company, then spent the whole day in either the recording studio or practice room to prepare for their first debut album, and by the time they reached home it was already midnight. For those few weeks, they survived with just a few hours of sleep like that.

Of course, it was exhausting both mentally and physically for Wooseok. However he had gone through the experience of chasing after work opportunities back when he was in his old group. And compared to that, he preferred this busy schedule a hundred times more. His other hyungs who had also debuted previously probably thought the same as him too.

Life feels much better when you are busy and have clear goals to achieve right in front of you.

Hence when he worked, Wooseok always made it a habit to give his 100%, sometimes even more. Always with that gratitude in his heart. Towards his fans, and all the people around him who had supported him till now. He wanted to repay all their kindness back.

That day, he slept only 3 hours, and went for a whole day practicing choreography for Flash. In the middle of their 11th attempt, Wooseok felt lightheaded and he fumbled slightly with his steps. Thinking no one noticed, he proceeded on to the next move together with the other members.

It just happened that Seungyeon noticed it since his position was next to Wooseok in that part of choreography. Usually, Wooseok always has his 100% focus when he is practicing. But for some reason, Seungyeon realized that Wooseok steps seemed a bit off on that day. He continued to observe Wooseok quietly as they go on with their practice. There was definitely something weird when he saw Wooseok kept fumbling here and there with his steps. Then when he saw how Wooseok was about to lose his balance after he turned around at one part of the choreography, Seungyeon quickly broke his formation to go and hold Wooseok up by his arm. As if in an emergency situation, he held a hand up to signal for the others to stop their practice for a while. Soon after, everyone stopped and gathered around Wooseok and Seungyeon after they realized what was happening.

“Are you okay?” Seungyeon asked. The face which was usually filled with humour now only held genuine concern as he felt Wooseok leaning weakly against him.

Nodding, Wooseok smiled a little. “Yes, just a little dizzy. Let me sit for a while, and I’ll be okay.”

“You’re not okay. You can barely even stand.” Seungyeon’s voice was stern as he supported Wooseok fully. The latter looked like he was about to faint. He turned to Seungwoo who was looking worriedly at the whole situation and said. “Seungwoo-hyung, we need to tell the manager. We need to bring him to the hospital right now.”

“You’re right, let me go and get the manager.” Seungwoo immediately agreed, getting up and running out of the room as fast as he can to find their manager.

“...Seungyeon-ah, I’m okay. Let me just rest a bit-”

“No, I said you’re not okay. You don’t look okay. Let’s go to the hospital now.” Seungyeon’s voice sounded really nervous. Wooseok couldn’t argue after that because he felt himself becoming too weak to even talk. His hands were trembling as he held onto Seungyeon’s hand.

Their manager arrived after a while, and he was carried into the car. After that, everything was a blur and he blacked out somewhere in between.

When he opened his eyes again later, he found himself surrounded by the four white corners of the hospital room. As he tried to move his hand, he realized there was a drip attached to it. The slight rustling noise woke the person who was sleeping at the side of his bed. The person looked as if he had been waiting the whole time for Wooseok to be awake.

“Are you feeling better now?” Seungyeon leaned towards Wooseok from his chair, touching Wooseok’s face with a worried look.

Wooseok nodded. Much better. He wasn’t feeling so dizzy like he did before.

“That’s good… We really panicked when you fainted earlier.”

Wooseok looked around the hospital room until his gaze landed on a small figure resting on a sofa in the room. As if knowing what Wooseok was thinking, Seungyeon explained with a soft smile. “Everyone wanted to stay until you wake up, but the nurse didn’t allow it so only Hyeongjun and me stayed back to take care of you. Hyeongjun was crying because he was so worried about you, so everyone felt bad for him and let him stay.”

Looking at Hyeongjun’s peaceful sleeping face at that moment, Wooseok felt guilty when he tried to imagine how worried the boy must have been to cry like Seungyeon said.

“The doctor said you fainted because your blood sugar was too low. You idiot, did you skip your meals today as well?” Seungyeon who had just been lightly touching his face all the while, suddenly pinched his cheek as if wanting to show his disapproval.

“Sorry…” Wooseok hung his head down, mostly because he felt guilty for causing trouble and worrying all his members like this. The least he wanted is to be trouble to all of them, especially when they are supposed to work harder with their debut date nearing. Since he felt so much pressure for their debut - the pressure of having to perform well, the pressure to impress since he is the visual in their group - he started to become more obsessed in maintaining a perfect image. He would eat less, or on somedays not eating at all, then exercise more to lose the weight that he had gained.

Seungyeon was the only one who noticed his habit of not eating some meals, and had once pointed it out to him to not do it because it was unhealthy. Wooseok had thought he would be able to handle it, but guess he was overestimating himself.

“I’m sorry.” Wooseok apologized again, voice small.

“Stop it.”

“...?”

“...If you’re sorry because of that, then I’m sorry for not stopping you even if I knew about it.”

What are you talking about? I was the one who kept pushing it even after you told me to not do it-

“I knew you skipped your breakfast and lunch today, yet I couldn’t say anything to you. All these while I knew you were worried because you have that responsibility to represent the team’s image, but I didn’t try to be there to listen to your worries. So I’m also partly at fault for this.”

Seungyeon went to hold Wooseok’s hand in his.

“And thats why, Wooseok-ah, I promise that I’ll be there for you next time. So don’t carry all the burden by yourself alone and push yourself to the edge like this ever again.” Seungyeon’s voice was gentle as he said all these.

Wooseok was unable to say anything back in response to such kindness that was shown towards him. Seungyeon had always been such a funny person, always blurting out jokes whenever he had the chance to, always the loud fool who would never fail to lighten up the atmosphere in the group. But to face this side of Seungyeon, which can be so serious and understanding too, so full of warmth and kindness was something that felt so unfamiliar to Wooseok.

Unfamiliar, and almost charming, Wooseok thought dazedly as he stared into Seungyeon’s earnest eyes.

At that moment, the small figure who had been sleeping in the corner woke up with a sleepy murmur, “…Is Wooseokie-hyung awake ye-”, before those huge eyes widened upon noticing that the figure in the bed was awake and smiling at him.

In a matter of seconds, Wooseok found himself being hugged tightly by a really relieved Hyeonjung who started to whine tearily at him in what was supposed to be worry but instead Wooseok found it adorable and endearing instead.

At his side, Seungyeon was video calling the other members to tell them that Wooseok had woken up. When the phone was handed to him, Wooseok could only laugh as he saw 8 faces fighting to fit themselves into one screen to look at him.

As he replied to all his 8 members who were trying to talk to him all at the same time, Seungyeon was seen with a smile carved on his lips as he watched the whole exchange.


	3. Chapter 3

After that hospital incident, Wooseok started to realize how much he is loved. Since then, the members had been caring for him constantly. Dohyon who was known to love his food even started feeding Wooseok his food just to make sure his hyung doesn’t starve himself again. The fans who had gotten wind of the news of him being in hospital sent supportive messages to him telling him to not push himself too hard and to eat his meals regularly. His mom who had been worried upon hearing the news started sending him homemade food during the weekends to make sure that he eats nutritinuous meal at least once every weekend.

After that hospital incident, Wooseok also started to become closer to Seungyeon.

Eventhough they weren’t roommates, but it seemed that he spent the most time with Seungyeon everyday. After the incident, Wooseok had some change of perspective regarding how Cho Seungyeon really is. If before this their friendship was about light-hearted and funny conversations, now it seemed to have advanced into something deeper to the point that Wooseok felt more comfortable to talk about private things that he couldn’t share with the other members. And that was how both of them got to know each other more as the days passed.

And soon, they had their debut and for a few weeks their schedules were hectic with music shows, doing promotional activities in radio shows and variety shows. A month passed just like that.

It was only a while later when everything settled down a little and Wooseok finally had room to breathe.

Some of the members had individual schedules for the day. But today was an off day for him. He found out Seungyeon was also off for the day and so he went into his room in the morning to bother him.

Since Hangyul, Seungyeon’s roommate, was away, so Wooseok felt more free to do whatever he wants as he entered the room. The room was cool from the aircond that was running the whole night, and Seungyeon was lumped up in his blankets from head to toe.

There was a window just right beside Seungyeon’s bed. Striding towards it, Wooseok proceeded to open the curtains to allow morning lights to fill the room. However the lump remained unaffected.

“Seungyeon-ah.” Wooseok called out. A small dainty hand reached out to shake the lump a little. When the lump remained unmoving, Wooseok sat down at the edge of the bed. The mattress sank slighty under his weight, and that provoked the first response from the lump as it revealed its face.

“...Who?”

“Seungyeon-ah.” Wooseok laughed lightly at the bare sleeping face of Seungyeon. He really looked like your ordinary guy when you look at him right now. Wooseok had this thought because last night when they had their performance in a music broadcast, he remembered how he was awed because of how different Seungyeon looked when he was groomed from head to toe. That time, with his all black outfit and dark smoky makeup, he exuded that dangerous predator-like feeling. But now if you see him, it feels just like looking at a 5 year old who is making lots of faces and attitudes because of being forced to wake up.

“Wake up, Seungyeon-ah~ Let’s go out somewhere and do something fun today. It’s our offday today.” _Please~? _Wooseok added that last part for effect, whining like a child as he tugged on Seungyeon’s arm.

“...Where to …so early?” As if still struggling to fight off his sleepiness, the sentences came out in an incomplete manner.

“It’s already noon. Let’s go out and eat something good~” Wooseok continued to persuade him in that high-pitched cute voice which was meant to be his ultimate aegyo towards his fans. Seungyeon had always reacted in such a way that he was hella embarrassed to be friends with him whenever he saw it, but in the end Wooseok discovered whenever he used this kind of voice to ask for something from Seungyeon, the latter always seemed to have no choice but to helplessly relent to him (as if he was whipped, like how the fans would describe it).

It was no different too this time.

Couple minutes later found Seungyeon coming out of his room, all casually dressed up in jeans and a black hoodie while Wooseok waited for him in the sofa in the living room already dressed up in his own casual style of white t-shirt coupled with denim jacket and jeans.

“Where is the manager?” Seungyeon asked while putting on a black cap and adjusting his hoodie above it.

“He’s with the other members. They are out for a schedule, remember?” Wooseok answered as a matter-of-factly.

Seungyeon suddenly stopped whatever he was doing as realization dawned on him. He turned to look at Wooseok as if he was out of his mind.

“What?”

“Yah, are you telling me that we’re going to go out without asking the manager first?”

“Yeah. It won’t be a problem. We’re just going to eat somewhere nearby our dorm then come back home immediately after.” The whole attitude was as if saying ‘it’s really not a big deal’.

Seungyeon sighed… Wooseok can be somewhat reckless and unpredictable at times.

This time, he decided to relent though because it was actually the first time Wooseok ever asked him to go out and eat together. Plus, the fact after that hospital incident the doctor had advised to not restrict his eating and to let him eat more so that he can have a healthy weight. And with Wooseok showing him that he is putting aside the thought of his diet and wanting to enjoy eating his favourite food, Seungyeon only wants nothing more but to support him as a way to encourage Wooseok to eat whatever he likes whenever he wants it.

“Let’s eat and go home before the rest comes back home.”

“Don’t worry about it. I already checked with Yohan and he said that their filiming is going to end by nighttime.” Wooseok waved his phone, smiling in a somewhat victorious manner. As if telling Seungyeon you know I’m not the type to plan things without meticulously considering other factors first, right?

Sure...despite how ironically reckless this plan you’re making right now, Seungyeon thought.

“Where are we eating then?”

Seungyeon swore he could almost see the twinkle in Wooseok’s eyes the moment he asked that.

* * *

Of course.

Seungyeon lifted his head up to look at the signboard from over his hood and cap.

Of course it was going to be a restaurant where they served spicy chicken feet. It seemed that Wooseok had made his research on restaurants that were well known for serving delicious spicy chicken feet.

Now, its not that Seungyeon is complaining. He himself loved eating chicken feet, so he didn’t mind accompanying Wooseok today to eat his favourite food. It seemed that Wooseok had also factored in the fact that he loved eating western foods as well, so there was a variety of western foods that he can order from the menu as well.

Since both of them didn’t eat breakfast and lunch yet, they were so hungry that they ended up ordering so much. One thing that was good about the two of them eating together, was that both of them seemed to have similar palate for food. If they were to eat with the other members of the group, there would be so many kinds of food that they had to restrict themselves from ordering. Like spicy foods since a few of the members couldn’t tolerate spicy, or foods with vegetables since the youngest doesn’t like to eat those.

After eating at the restaurant, Wooseok had a craving to eat those crepes sold across the street. It was not just any crepes, but Harajuku crepes which was viral these days due to its visually attractive appearance and impossibly sweet and delicious taste.

Seungyeon only knew that Wooseok unexpectedly had quite a sweet tooth after 2 months of living together. It was that time when Dongpyo bought ice-creams and stored them in the refrigerator, only to find out the next day that all of them had disappeared. When they went on an all out investigation and gathered all the members in the living room to search for the culprit, they discovered later that it was Kim Wooseok who had eaten all the ice-creams the night prior. It appeared that he had an intense craving for sweets on that night, and had ended up eating everything before he realized it. Because he had admitted it with such a pretty and adorably embarrassed look, in the end even Dongpyo couldnt find it in himself to do anything and simply let his hyung go.

Since that incident, Seungyeon started to realize that Wooseok actually had quite a cute side to him too.

Like now as he watched the behaviour of Wooseok’s deer-like eyes marveling over the glass displays of various flavours of crepes, he thought it was quite a cute sight.

As Wooseok walked up to the counter and ordered the crepes he wanted, the two female customers who were also in the shop caught sight of him and their mouth fell open in surprise before they started whispering to each other.

“Isn’t that Kim Wooseok from X1…?!”

“You’re right. It IS him…”

“Is he here alone?”

“...No, no. Look at that guy, isn’t it Cho Seungyeon…?!”

Shit. They got caught. Wooseok seemed to notice this too and got cautious. As soon as he got his crepes and paid for it, both of them hurriedly went off. Luckily the two girls who recognized them didn’t go on a shouting spree to attract other people’s attention, rather politely keeping it to themselves so Wooseok and Seungyeon thankfully made their way back to their dorm without much public commotion.

At home, there was nothing much to do other than watching TV. They both sat at the living room, and Seungyeon switched on to the recordings of one of the drama series he had meant to catch up on. Wooseok accompanied Seungyeon watching his drama while eating his crepes, in between it letting Seungyeon had a taste of his crepes as well.

“Wow, its actually really good.”

“Do you want more?” Wooseok held the crepes in front of Seungyeon’s mouth. As Seungyeon was about to lean in for another bite, Wooseok mischievously shoved it to his lips all of a sudden. While Wooseok laughed at the cream that was now smeared all around the other’s mouth, Seungyeon got fired up for revenge and started tackling Wooseok down to the sofa, trying to steal the crepes from Wooseok’s hand at the same time.

Just like that, they spent the whole day doing nothing but watching dramas and fighting to have the most bites from the crepes that was left.

When the manager and the members came back home, the house was dark except for the TV lights that was still running in the background. Meanwhile two people in front of the TV had already fallen asleep snuggled up against each other on the sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are my extra motivation (aside from seungseok <3) thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

The first time Wooseok learned about Seungyeon, it was with the feeling of awe and admiration towards him. With a long list of experience under his belt in the music and entertainment industry, Seungyeon is one of the most talented members in X1 - known to be good in almost everything from singing, rap, songwriting, to producing.

People admired him and called him an all-rounder for his skills in many fields, this was the case for those people who saw Seungyeon for the first time. But if they tried to get to know him deeper and better, they would know that the Seungyeon now was shaped by countless tattered layers of hardship, failure and disappointment, but had to constantly hurdle through with only the thought of self-improvement in mind in order to get people to notice him more. The past Seungyeon was a person who had gone through a really hard time.

Those thoughts came to Wooseok’s mind while listening to Seungyeon’s low breathy voice as he sang a song about a life that seemed meaningless, the emotions portrayed almost felt as if the person was on the verge of giving up, defeated by life itself. Despite that, the song also seemed to convey a glimmer of hope that things will be okay again one day, that the person will find the light at the end of the tunnel eventually.

This was the song Meaningless sang under Seungyeon’s another identity, WOODZ - who seemed to hold the persona of the deep, emotional, sentimental side of Cho Seungyeon. And the more Wooseok listened to WOODZ' songs, the more he thought Cho Seungyeon can unexpectedly be the kind of person who he doesn’t seem to appear. The Cho Seungyeon he knew, who always had such bright smile on his face, who was always making people laugh, was marked with many battle scars and had lived with his dark side too.

Wooseok was inevitably pulled into that unexpected side of Cho Seungyeon because they seemed to be similar in that sense.

In the sense that both of them had felt this way at one point of their life because of the terrible things they had to go through in their life, when back then everything seemed bleak and uncertain and all they could feel was anxiety for the future that didn’t seem promising, when back then all they wanted was to give up and end it because they couldn’t stand going through it anymore.

Yes, Wooseok had felt the same way too once.

When he had to be in constant pain from hearing false accusations and death threats thrown to him, when he was forced to leave his career because of something that was untrue, when he was forced to give up on something that he loves in a situation that he was obliterated control from, when he was faced with people’s contempt and had nights filled with nightmare when the people in his dreams haunted him with their accusing eyes. He remembered burying himself under the covers, hiding from the harsh world and reality, crying silently as he wished for his life to end right then and there. He blamed himself a lot back then.

But in the end, he found his light at the end of the tunnel.

Just like how Cho Seungyeon did.

With earphones filled with Seungyeon’s voice flowing into his ears, Wooseok closed his eyes and slept peacefully.

There is no more nightmare this time.

He is living his dreams.

* * *

_WOODZ - Meaningless_

_WOODZ - Pool_

_WOODZ - Different_

Seungyeon noticed a list of his songs in Wooseok’s playlist.

“What’s this? Have you became my fan now?” Seungyeon only meant to tease, but when he saw how Wooseok’s face suddenly turned red the laughter immediately died down from his lips.

Wooseok snatched the phone that Seungyeon had taken from him without permission, grumbling something about putting a password on his phone from now on. Seungyeon was still staring as Wooseok busied himself finding the password function in his settings.

“Since when?” It was this question that came out of Seungyoun’s mouth, sounding half-amused and half-curious.

Wooseok turned his back to Seungyeon, as if pretending he couldn’t hear his question. That made Seungyeon laugh, the urge to tease more became overpowering. So you really did become my fan, why didn’t you tell me earlier?

But Wooseok was too occupied trying to hide his embarrassed face to say anything back to Seungyeon.

Seungyeon thought the way Wooseok was awkwardly expressing his liking was too adorable. And his fingers itched to take a picture of the face he had always thought to be beautiful since the first time he laid eyes on it.

If Seungyeon hadn’t put on a password on his phone too, Wooseok would’ve probably found out that half of the pictures in Seungyeon’s gallery were photos of him.

Like how Kim Wooseok admired WOODZ and his songs, Cho Seungyeon admired Kim Wooseok in his own way.

* * *

The members noticed these days how the second eldest and the third eldest in their group seemed to be so attached towards each other.

They were always seen hanging around each other wherever they are. Be it during breaks while they were practicing or at home where either one of them would intrude the other’s room and spent the whole night there. And because they were also seat partners in the van, they kept talking till the other members complained that they couldn’t get some sleep because those two were being noisy.

It had reached to that point where the members almost thought they were like those inseparable annoying couple who couldn't get enough of each other.

“Wooseok-ah, listen to this song.” Seungyeon unplugged one of his earphone to give it to Wooseok. Wooseok took it and put it to his ear. After a while, Wooseok followed Seungyeon to nod together with the ryhthm. “Nice song, isn’t it?”

Across the room, the ‘02 line was watching them the whole time as Seungyeon and Wooseok shared one earphone with each other and hummed the song together.

Dongpyo crossed his arms as he scrutinized them more closely.

“...Those two hyung definitely has something going on.”

Hyeongjun with his big eyes, stared at him in confusion. Meanwhile Eunsang, Junho and Minhee nodded in response as they also crossed their arms.

“What do you mean?” Hyeongjun asked innocently, big eyes still looking confused.

“Just look at them.” Dongpyo motioned his chin towards the two across them.

Now both of them were seen talking and laughing at each other. Seungyeon cracking jokes and laughing right after, and Wooseok covering his mouth with the papers in his hand allowing only the pretty curving eyes in view as he responded with his own laughter. Both of them seemed to have a really good time.

Like really, really great friends, Hyeongjun thought.

When Dongpyo saw that Hyeongjun was still not getting it, he pinched Hyeongjun’s side, startling the poor boy.

“Idiot. Can’t you see? Have you ever seen Wooseok hyung laughed like that with any of us?”

Hyeongjun looked back to the scene. It seemed like Wooseok’s face had gone red from laughing too much. He knew Wooseok hyung wasn’t the type who laughed easily, but with Seungyeon hyung he seemed to laugh really easily and a lot too… But then, Seungyeon hyung is just naturally funny and he makes everyone laugh really easily-

“You still don’t get it? You poor innocent boy.” Dongpyo shook his head as if pitying him.

“...?” Hyeongjun tilted his head.

“Hyeongjun-ah, just continue observing them and you will get it.” Dongpyo said in the end, with Eunsang, Junho and Minhee nodding again in response.

-

Since then, Hyeongjun began to observe his two hyung closely.

And from then on, he started to become more aware of the little subtle things that happened.

Things like how Wooseok hyung would naturally find his spot beside Seungyeon hyung whenever they are out, or how Seungyeon hyung would often have his arm protectively around Wooseok hyung’s waist when they walked side by side, or sometimes how the two of them always seemed to be so absorbed in their own world, talking and laughing about things that no one else seemed to understand but them.

Though if it was only up until that point, Hyeongjun would still understand that it is just because they are really good friends with each other.

But as he watched how the two sang a slow love song that they were listening to together, looking at each other in such a way that gave off a deep indescribable connection, that was the beginning of the feeling that something was off.

The way they looked at each other, it seemed to be in that narrow gray area, bordering almost dangerously in between the two boundaries.

It was difficult to put a word to it because it seemed to be too ambiguous to define.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i appreciate all the feedbacks i've received so far. please continue to leave comments and kudos if you like the story ^^ they are my inspiration and motivation (aside from seungseok as usual <3). thank you for sticking with the story and enjoy reading!

It was already late night. The house was quiet as the other members were already sleeping.

Wooseok was awakened somewhere after 1am, with his throat feeling unbearably parched that he thought he needed to go and get some water to drink before he was going to be down with sore throat the next day.

Heading out of his room and making his way to the kitchen downstairs, he inevitably ended up passing by the living room. The living room lights were on. Someone was still up.

With eyelids that were still half-laden with sleep, Wooseok shuffled towards the living room quietly. He was then faced with the side profile of Seungyeon’s quiet and serious face as he focused on writing something on a notebook.

“Seungyeon-ah, what are you doing?”

Because Seungyeon was so focused to the task at hand, he didn’t realize someone else had shown up in the living room and almost jumped in shock thinking it was a ghost.

“God, Wooseok-ah, don’t scare me like that.”

“What are you doing?”

Wooseok ignored Seungyeon’s shock and went to sit beside him, peering curiously at what he was writing on his notebook.

“I’m writing songs.”

“Songs? At this hour?”

“Yeah, I can’t sleep until I get these ideas out on papers first.” Seungyeon scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

Wooseok mouth formed an O, flipping pages after pages of freshly written lyrics. It seemed that it was one of those nights where Seungyeon seemed to be flowing with waterfall of inspirations judging from the amount that he had written from that whole night alone. After having listened to Seungyeon’s songs, now having the chance to witness Seungyeon going through the actual process of making the song itself firsthand felt kind of amazing. Wooseok really couldn’t help but to feel a renewed sense of admiration all over again for the other.

“What about you? What are you doing still awake?”

“Right. I was going to get some water to drink, but forgot after seeing you.” Feeling embarrassed, Wooseok temporarily left for the kitchen.

There was the sound of glass clinking on the counter before Wooseok’s head peeked out from the kitchen. “Seungyeon-ah, do you want to drink anything?” 

“Coffee will do.” Seungyeon replied with a smile.

After a few minutes, Wooseok came back with a glass of water for himself and a hot cup of coffee for Seungyeon. The smell of coffee wafted in the air idly, soothing Seungyeon’s whole senses. Murmuring a thanks gratefully, he picked up the cup to sip the bitter liquid. It reminded him of how he used to spend a lot of nights like this before X1 happened, writing lyrics throughout the whole night with cup after cup of coffee on his table as his only pleasure.

Back then, when things were difficult he had worked endlessly to make songs just to survive. Now that his situation is so much better, he never forgets to express his gratitude and work with a humble heart everyday. Those hard times weren’t meant to be forgotten, but to remind him to be continuously grateful. Because he didn’t want to lose his sense of origin, that night he felt the urge to sit down and return back to those days of writing songs again.

There was also Kim Wooseok, who had gone through probably no less hard times than him before X1. Seungyeon had heard about Wooseok’s past history, the scandal that almost ruined his career, and he couldn’t imagine how painful it must’ve felt for Wooseok to go through all that. Undoubtedly, Wooseok and him are close friends now but not once did Seungyeon heard him talk about it to him.

Stories of failures and disappointment, that as if not worth lamenting anymore except to serve as life lessons to remember in order to live better. Both of them are similar in that sense.

Back then, Seungyeon used to endure through his pain alone. His only solace was writing his feelings down into songs. But now he has X1 members and his fans by his side, it made him want to express his gratitude more than ever for his life that is now filled with so much love and support.

As the time passed, Seungyeon became absorbed in his writings. At his side, Wooseok quietly read the lyrics Seungyeon wrote.

_as you continue to love me like this, _

_unwavering even as the seasons passed,_

_I wish you will also know of my heart,_

_that holds this everlasting love for you,_

Comforted by the warm tender feelings in the lyrics, Wooseok leaned against Seungyeon's side quietly. Closing his eyes, there was only the continuous rhythmic sound of scribbling that was heard.

* * *

The night after, Seungyeon found Wooseok in the living room with him again, accompanying him just like the night before. Except this time, there were two cups of coffee lined next to each other, gradually emptying as the night went further in.

Wooseok tried his hands on writing lyrics together with him since then. Seungyeon thinks Wooseok is actually good with it. Afterall Wooseok loves reading poetries and that helped a lot in creating good lyrics. They worked on writing lyrics and creating melodies together, then listening to the recordings that they had made and adjusting what needed to be adjusted.

It went on like that for a few weeks, where they spent some nights where they were free to spend on making their own music. The more they spent time creating music together, the more they felt connected to each other musically. In the end, Wooseok broke out in one of their VLive that he and Seungyeon will come out with their own music someday. Whether it was a joke or a serious statement then, none of the members knew except Seungyeon and Wooseok themselves.

Only later the members realized it might actually be serious when they discovered that both of them had made a random VLive during one of the late nights where they were writing songs together, and had let the fans listen to them while asking for opinions. Of course, later on not just the members but the company also learned about their midnight activities through that VLive. When both of them were called by the president in the middle of the practice, the other members thought they were going to get scolded. However, it turned out that their president was considering to use some of the songs that they had written for their next album.

That night, Seungyeon and Wooseok sat together in the living room like they usually did. The usual two cups of coffee was replaced with two cans of beer this time. Seungyeon suggested that they drink as a celebration, and Wooseok suggested to order spicy chicken feet to make it more celebrative. When the other members were asleep, they had their small celebration with alcohol, Wooseok’s favourite chicken feet and Seungyeon’s favourite drama running in the background.

"Congratulations. To both of us." Seungyeon held out his beer in front of him with a huge grin. 

Wooseok only realized the gesture a second later and smiled as he clinked their can together. "Yeah. Good job to both of us." Somehow the feeling of getting all your hard work paid off felt extremely good. Plus they were only making music between themselves for fun to be honest but lucky for them it was receiving more attention than they expected. 

"Don't you think both of us would make a good partner to each other?" Thoughts loosened by the influence of alcohol, Wooseok became more honest with what he had been thinking all these while. Well, afterall the time they had spent making music together had been fun. 

Seungyeon took a short sip of his beer before answering. "Yeah. We would." The reply was a sincere one too. In response to that, the corner of Wooseok's lips lifted up even more, the smile as if threatening to split his face apart. 

Seungyeon-ah, let's make music together too in the future. Let's be together for a long time... Wooseok started to lean against Seungyeon, mumbling into the other's shoulder.

Seungyeon was the type who had high tolerance towards alcohol, but it was revealed to him later that Wooseok was not as much. After a few cans of beer, Wooseok’s face had became flushed and the huge doe eyes started becoming half-lidded and unfocused. It was also actually the first time Seungyeon had seen Wooseok drunk, so it was unexpected when he saw how the usually calm and composed Wooseok became the complete opposite when he was drunk.

For some reason, Wooseok ended up on Seungyeon’s lap somewhere in the middle of their fifth can. With his drink grasped loosely in one hand, Wooseok’s other hand was unhindered as it wandered all along Seungyeon’s chest, shoulder and face before settling on his nape, the fluttering touch leaving tingling heat in its wake. Wooseok was smiling at him like a cute drunk, small pink lips all curled up sweetly and the long delicate lines of his eyes curving prettily into half-shaped moons. _I like Seungyeon a lot..._ and those kinds of slurred words of affection and adoration was continuously spewed out in such a careless and oblivious manner.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed now.” Seungyeon finally decided to call it a night when he saw how the other was so out of it. He grabbed the can that was still in Wooseok’s hand and placed it back to the table. It’s a good thing Wooseok has a room all to himself, because if he goes into the room drunk like this right now, Seungyeon is pretty sure it’s going to be quite troublesome for his roommate.

As he heaved the light weight into his arms, Wooseok wrapped his arms around Seungyeon’s neck as if it was natural for him. Burying his face into Seungyeon’s nape, he napped quietly while letting the other carry him to the room. Seungyeon had to suppress that growing ticklish feeling of excitement that roused deep in the pit of his stomach while holding the body that was radiating with so much heat.

When they reached Wooseok’s room, he tried to put Wooseok into the bed but the latter wouldn’t let him go. Wooseok who seemed drowsy earlier now was fully awake with a renewed strength as he pulled Seungyeon together with him onto the bed.

Wooseok seemed to be the type that constantly craved for physical contact when drunk. When Seungyeon tried to get up, Wooseok hurriedly clutched onto his shirt to keep him close. When there was no more resistance felt, the hands then loosened to trail all over Seungyeon’s upper body before it gradually descended.

Instantly an alarm blared in his mind. Seungyeon caught the other’s wrist just in time.

“Wooseok-ah.” Seungyeon murmured low, like a warning. _Do you even know what you’re doing?_

Wooseok’s eyes flitted up to look at him. For a moment, those pretty huge eyes looked clear and sober. In the presence of the scarce light that scattered throughout the room, Wooseok’s eyes seemed to reflect a million stars in them. The sight took Seungyeon’s breath away.

When Seungyeon remained still, Wooseok started to tilt his face up slowly, almost carefully as he closed the distance between their face. As those long lashes fluttered close and their lips became mere centimeters away from each other, Seungyeon was snapped back to reality harshly as a sudden realization struck his conscience.

-

_Once they crossed the line they will never be able to go back again._

-

Before he lost his mind and gave in to temptation, he pulled himself away and detached himself from Wooseok as far away as he could. Seungyeon left the room before Wooseok could say anything else.

The sound of the door closing shut was loud in the deafening silence.

Alone in the quiet dark room, Wooseok exhaled a shaky breath as tears started to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

The members could almost physically feel the awkwardness in the air.

As they headed out to their company that morning, Seungyeon and Wooseok seemed to not be their usual selves. They weren’t talking to each other like they usually do, in fact they were as if trying to avoid each other by not even looking at each other’s face. This uncomfortable situation lasted for the whole day, and it was really affecting the mood in the group. Seungyeon who was always noisy barely said much, simply going through practices and only talked when it was necessary. Wooseok was the same too, going through practices like usual and talking only when needed, while the rest of the time he isolated himself.

It was terribly obvious that something had happened between the two of them as the other members saw the invisible gap that seemed to have established itself between them.

However, none of the members dared to ask what happened because it seemed to be something that was too complicated to delve into carelessly.

* * *

That night, they returned to the dorm with an atmosphere that was uncomfortably quieter than usual. As everyone was heading back to their respective room, Seungyeon took a step back and made his way in the direction of a familiar room.

Before the person who was in the room managed to close the door, Seungyeon blocked it with his arm and pushed it back open again. Wooseok’s eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected intrusion before they narrowed in a hostile manner. He struggled to push the door close again, but Seungyeon was much stronger than him and continued to maintain the gap between him and the door.

“Are you angry?” Seungyeon started in a calm voice.

Seungyeon had been watching Wooseok the whole day. It seemed that Wooseok was resolute to avoid him. Even now, it was obvious that Wooseok wanted nothing but to be far away from him.

“What does it matter to you?” Wooseok snapped, almost as if he had been holding in his hurt.

Seungyeon took a deep breath. “Listen, if it was about last night… There is a good reason for me to do so.”

“...”

“We were both drunk, I didn’t want us to end up doing something that we didn’t mean.”

“Are you done? I need to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.” Wooseok sounded uncaring, eyes coldly regarding Seungyeon.

“Wooseok-ah, listen-” Seungyeon tried to explain, but before he can go further Wooseok suddenly forced the door close using the strength of his whole body. The door slammed shut in Seungyeon’s face. Seungyeon immediately knocked on the door again as he called out the other’s name, asking him to open back the door yet he was met with no response.

Sighing, Seungyeon leaned his forehead against the door in resignation. Not a single noise could be heard from the other side.

For the next few days Seungyeon continued to try talking to Wooseok, but each and every one of his attempt was only met with a cold shoulder and silent treatment.

Wooseok must really hate him.

Thinking about being at the receiving end of Wooseok’s hatred made him feel miserable. And he dreaded thinking having to endure through it while not knowing how much longer he can last.

* * *

It was the day of their 1st look photoshoot. Everyone was groomed to be in their best appearance for the photoshoot, naturally it made everyone feel motivated to work hard for it.

The distance between Seungyeon and Wooseok could still be felt. When their names were called for the next pairing photoshoot after Yohan and Hangyul, Seungyeon tensed up and tried to appear composed as he walked to the set with Wooseok. Wooseok seemed to be normal enough as he posed for the camera while initiating contact with Seungyeon only when necessary. It seemed that the former was aiming to work as professionally as he could while avoiding his personal feelings from getting in the way. Despite feeling bothered with the tension between them, Seungyeon also tried his best to maintain a professional image while working.

There were a few shots where they had to lean onto each other upon being requested by the cameraman, but even then eye contact between them was almost none.

As soon as their turn was done, Wooseok thanked the staff around him before going off from the set. It turned out that witnessing Wooseok talking to everyone else except him bothered Seungyeon more than he thought it would. For the rest of the day, he struggled to get through his individual photoshoot while trying to stop himself from thinking about it. After he had his last shot, he visibly heaved a sigh of relief and went back into the waiting room.

Maybe it was because all the other members were busy with their own photoshoot, so it seemed that there was only Seungyeon in the waiting room at the moment. Seungyeon absent-mindedly sipped on the coffee that he had brought in his hand and took a seat in a chair at the corner. He took his phone out and was about to put in the password to unlock it when he noticed something white from the corner of his eyes.

It was probably because there was a bunch of stuffs around that were blocking the sofa from view, so Seungyeon had missed the sofa hidden behind the pile of towering boxes. On the sofa where the surrounding was a bit dark and cold, Kim Wooseok laid sleeping peacefully by himself, all curled up to himself like a cat in his white photoshoot outfit.

Seungyeon’s fingers twitched slightly before they let go of the cup in his hand to place it on the table. Approaching the sleeping cat quietly, Seungyeon squatted down to the same level to stare at the beautiful face. He could see none of the animosity or hatred that was usually directed to him, instead just features that were softened and gentle.

Seungyeon used the back of his fingers to trace over the soft smooth cheek, marveling at the delicate lines of Wooseok’s eyes and his long eyelashes at the same time.

As if the fleeting warmth had brought his consciousness back to surface, Wooseok’s eyelids opened slowly. When he saw Seungyeon’s face gazing at him in such a close proximity, Wooseok reflexively backed away and hurriedly pulled himself up into a sitting position. Last night, he couldn’t sleep much and as a result gradually felt the sleepiness caught up to him while he waited all alone in the room. Coincidentally, he found a sofa nearby and ended up lying down on it, just simply planning to rest for a while but fell asleep in the end.

Trying not to appear too flustered because the other had just caught him sleeping, Wooseok tried to compose himself while getting off from the sofa. But the moment he stood up, a wave of dizziness suddenly hit him, catching his whole body unbalanced.

Seungyeon who noticed the swaying of the other’s body in that split second got up instantly and held Wooseok’s shoulders from behind to steady him.

“Are you okay?” Asking with a nervous voice, Seungyeon let Wooseok leaned against him fully now as if afraid that Wooseok might fall if he let go of his hold.

Holding a hand to his head, it took Wooseok a few seconds to retrieve his sense of balance back. “I’m…okay.” Wooseok murmured, moving away from Seungyeon. But because Seungyeon was still not convinced, he held a hand to the small back and stuck close. “Should we go to the hospital?” Seungyeon asked, worrying that something like before might happened again.

Wooseok shook his head, feeling a little troubled by the other’s concern. “No. I said I’m okay.”

In the end, Wooseok had to sit down for the rest of the day while waiting for the others to finish up to reassure Seungyeon. The latter was observing him like a hawk the whole time, for some reason looking almost angry. It made Wooseok felt guilty unconsciously as he tried to avoid from looking at Seungyeon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for still following the story! and thank you for those who left kudos and commented in previous chapter <3 they've been my motivation.

Ever since the day where Seungyeon pushed him away, Wooseok started to lose his appetite. Waking up, working, coming back home, maybe eat a few bites then going to sleep. It wasn’t because of anything but simply because he really didn’t feel like eating. Food seemed to lose its taste even when he ate so he ended up only eating a little everyday.

Seungyeon only saw Wooseok ordering food together with everyone everyday, but didn’t know that Wooseok ended up throwing away the rest of the food that he couldn’t eat anymore.

That feeling of near-faint did come to Wooseok a few times ever since his eating frequency became disrupted, but each time he managed to cover it up without anyone noticing.

So when Wooseok got caught by Seungyeon this time because of the consequences of his eating habit, Wooseok was unable to say anything to defend himself.

“Have you not been eating properly again?”

“...”

“Did you eat your lunch yet?”

Wooseok pursed his lips even more stubbornly as Seungyeon questioned him further. When he refused to answer, Seungyeon sighed. Wooseok had this habit of not eating when he was stressed about something. Eventhough it can be a normal reaction to stress, but if it led to health problems the consequences wouldn’t just affect the person itself but the people around him. The way Wooseok neglected his health irresponsibly like this was what made Seungyeon feeling exasperated.

Wooseok heard Seungyeon going out of the room. After a few minutes, Seungyeon returned with a plate of rice and some side dishes in his hands. Lunch was 3 hours ago, but luckily the staff told him there was still some food left at the table to eat.

“The food is a bit cold, but still you need to eat something.”

Wooseok watched as Seungyeon put the food in front of him.

“Here, drink some water too.” A bottle of water was pushed to the side of the plate.

“...”

“What are you doing? Eat.” Seungyeon said when he noticed Wooseok wasn’t moving.

“...”

Slowly, Wooseok grabbed the spoon and ate a few spoonfuls under Seungyeon’s scrutiny. The food continued to taste bland on Wooseok’s tongue, and his appetite diminished gradually.

“Eat more. You eat so little.” Seungyeon persuaded with a gentle voice, but Wooseok shook his head already putting down the spoon. Seungyeon counted it was only 3 spoons. Did Wooseok go through everyday eating so little like this?

“...but I really don’t feel like eating.”

Seungyeon moved to sit beside Wooseok, taking the spoon to put it back into Wooseok’s hand.

“Wooseok-ah, even if you don’t feel like eating, force yourself to eat for your own health.” It was like having to force a child to eat something that he didn’t like. Wooseok can be stubborn like that.

When Wooseok didn’t make any move to eat, Seungyeon took the spoon into his hand and scoop the rice, putting it close to Wooseok’s lips. “Come on, open up. Eat a little more.”

Wooseok frowned, feeling awkward having to have Seungyeon feeding him like this. But as he realized how Seungyeon was waiting expectantly for him to open his mouth, he closed his eyes and sighed. “…I got it. I’ll eat. Just let me do it myself.”

Seungyeon grinned as if he had achieved victory. As Wooseok continued to feed himself with a frown, Seungyeon watched from the side happily. 

“Why are you smiling at me like that, idiot.” Wooseok tried to huff with his mouth full, unable to ignore that wide idiotic smile that seemed to have plastered itself permanently on Cho Seungyeon’s face.

“Because I’m happy you’re listening.”

“It doesn’t even matter what I feel…” Wooseok grumbled, stabbing into his rice vengefully.

Seungyeon was quiet for a moment before he replied.

“No… it does matter a lot. But I’d rather ignore it if it can prevent anything bad from happening to you.”

At that, Wooseok looked up and the sincerity in Seungyeon’s eyes stilled him into silence. The sincerity that was reflected in those eyes were as if trying to convey to him how much the other cared for him.

…But if you had cared, you wouldn’t have pushed me away on that night. Wooseok turned his head away to avoid Seungyeon’s gaze.

Catching the conflicted expression on the other’s face, the smile on Seungyeon’s face merely softened as he raised his hand up to stroke the other’s head.

“Still angry about the other day?”

Wooseok was still not looking at him, but this time Seungyeon could feel that he wasn’t trying to push him away. Rather, it was as if he was waiting for something from Seungyeon.

Seungyeon continued to stroke Wooseok’s head.

“I’m sorry.”

“...”

“...I just don’t want you to regret it if we decide to cross the line.”

“...”

“Because it means putting everything at stake. Our friendship, our group members, our fans, our career, everything that we have worked hard to build until now."

Yes, if there is one thing that I want you to think carefully, it’s this.

You’ve worked hard till now to reach this far. If we go through with this, there is that risk of you getting hurt. So if holding back my feelings for you like this means being able to prevent you from getting hurt, then I will do it for your sake.

Because I love you, Kim Wooseok. Because you’re precious to me… I never want to see my feelings towards you becoming the reason for you to go through the same hurt like you did in the past.

-

Since then, the memory of that day kept replaying itself in Wooseok’s head. Remembering the face of Cho Seungyeon and those eyes as they looked at him dejectedly, it seemed almost heartbreakingly sad. It was as if seeing a man who had resigned to his fate, unable to do anything in a situation where he had no control of. For the first time since Wooseok knew Cho Seungyeon, the man had looked really fragile then as if he was on the verge of holding himself from breaking.

For a few nights, Wooseok contemplated in his bed quietly. Seungyeon’s words kept repeating themselves in his head and it made Wooseok frustrated. Frustrated because those words he said couldn’t be farther away from the truth.

What Seungyeon said, every single one of it was right.

Seungyeon feared for the consequences and that was why he pushed Wooseok away. Now that Wooseok knew about it, he realized that the reason Seungyeon pushed him away on that night wasn’t because he didn’t like Wooseok, rather the opposite.

Because he cared.

That realization only served to make Wooseok’s heart ached more.

It was true he had worked so hard to reach this far. In fact, Seungyeon too, had worked so hard himself to reach this far. By a really fortunate turn of event, now both of them are here together in a place where they had dreamt of for years since the start of their career. They were given their second chance. And to ruin it by letting personal feelings took over-

Wooseok understood the weight of the consequences that came with it. He understood it well.

But everytime he was reminded of Seungyeon’s dejected face, the quietly slumped shoulders and the voice that was barely holding it together, Wooseok couldn’t think about anything else anymore.

He should’ve held Seungyeon, but he was too distraught back then to do anything.

Before he knew it, it was already too late.

-

After they met again the next day, they seemed to be back to amicable terms as if they had decided on a silent agreement. The other members were visibly relieved by the good atmosphere that had returned during their practice, but none of them realized that the two were restraining something from each other.

They still talked like how friends would, they helped each other when needed, they worked together as a team, but it was only until there. The boundaries were made clear this time. Seungyeon didn’t touch Wooseok like how he usually would anymore and Wooseok stopped searching for Seungyeon all the time and started mixing around with others more.

It was as if a big part of their story was buried and forgotten as they gradually grew distant in that sense, pretending like nothing had happened between them.

Then at night, when reality struck and the facade fell off, Wooseok would put in his earphone and played WOODZ songs on repeat, humming quietly and feeling the tears slipped from the corner of his eyes as he slept hearing Seungyeon’s voice in his ears.

And at the same night, Seungyeon would wake up while his roommate was already deep asleep, walked out of his room towards the balcony with his phone and a pack of cigarettes silently. With the accompaniment of the beautiful city lights and the cold air of the autumn night, he smoke while looking wistfully at the pictures of Wooseok who was smiling happily on his phone screen.

It was as if longing for a lost love.


	8. Chapter 8

As the preparation for their second album began, everyone was busy again getting themselves into shape. Some began dieting, and some who didn’t prefer the suffering that came from dieting simply resorted to healthy exercising habit.

In their dorm they had an indoor gym, so these days the gym was constantly occupied with people who were focused on getting results as fast as possible. Those people being Seungwoo, Seungyeon, Hangyul and Yohan.

Wooseok on the other hand was the type who always went for diet while doing a moderate amount of exercise to keep himself in shape. But since his company and fans kept telling him to not lose anymore weight, so he didn’t go on any diet this time. Though he still went to the gym to exercise from time to time to maintain his body’s strength.

These days, the members had been particularly noisy about Seungyeon because of the result of his workout. His body had become really well-built from the countless hours spent in the gym. It seemed that recently Seungyeon suddenly became obsessed in shaping himself up and since then was faithfully devoted to working out in the gym for a few hours each day. As a result, the muscles and abs started to show prominently. He was soon labelled as the next strong guy after Seungwoo by the other members jokingly following the picture of him almost-shirtless which he uploaded for the fans.

That day, Seungyeon was also working out in the gym when Wooseok decided to drop by.

“You’re still here?” After making his presence known, Wooseok made his way to Seungyeon who was still busy lifting weights in the corner. “You were here too when I passed by 3 hours ago.”

Upon noticing the other, Seungyeon put down the weights and merely chuckled a little in response to Wooseok’s comment. Grabbing a towel, he wiped the sweat on his face before proceeding to sit at the right end of the seat opposite from where Wooseok was sitting at.

“Why pushing yourself so hard?” Wooseok continued to ask as his gaze fell onto the drenched black shirt that clung onto the other’s form like a second skin. Even if Seungwoo, Yohan and Hangyul were also as determined as Seungyeon to build their body, but none of them were as extreme as Seungyeon.

Seungyeon shook his head. “It’s better to keep myself busy like this.” _Less time to think about unneeded stuffs_, those words were left unspoken as Seungyeon abruptly ended the conversation when he grabbed his bottle which was laid between them and chugged all the water down.

Wooseok watched silently at the end of the other’s action which left the space beside him empty and unoccupied. Following the other’s movement, a whiff of his scent was also caught and it reminded Wooseok of when they were within each other’s vicinity all the time and that scent would always be somewhere nearby. As the days passed, he gradually grew to like the scent enough to put words to describe the scent. A scent that gave off a distinct masculinity yet also soothing with a soft and gentle feeling, it was a special kind of scent that only Seungyeon had and Wooseok wanted to have that scent with him always, like a perfume he wished to own.

But even that wish seemed to be a faraway wish now as the distance between them continued to remind itself in the gaping space that remained lonely between them.

Wooseok offered his own bottle of water when he saw Seungyeon finished drinking all of his. But Seungyeon merely shook his head, standing up and collecting his stuffs into his hands, preparing to leave. “I’m done for today, I’ll just go out and get some more water.”

The action that was born from consideration was ignored. Wooseok’s hand fell back limply to his side as Seungyeon started to walk away without another word.

And that was how Seungyeon established that line between them.

By creating that distance that seemed uncrossable.

And Wooseok realized with a queasy feeling in his stomach just how all those closeness that was built before froze into a cold stillness, as if it had never existed in the first place, in the face of the back that turned away unfamiliarly from him and grew farther and farther away from him at that moment.

A sudden panic rose at the sight of a person who he thought he knew well of turning into such a stranger. It felt nothing like the Seungyeon he recognized anymore and it made Wooseok experience a terrible feeling that was akin to abandonment.

Somehow, pretending like everything was okay wasn’t okay anymore. It was frustrating, suffocating, and this Seungyeon made him feel terribly lonely-

Just before Seungyeon could take another step away from him, Wooseok’s hand shot out to grab onto his fingers.

Seungyeon looked at the cold hand that held onto his and then at the top of the head that hung low.

It’s really painful to pretend that we don’t love each other… It’s really painful to avoid each other like this, Seungyeon-ah…

Despite the thoughts that made itself prominent in Wooseok’s mind then, no words left his lips. When he tried to move, it felt as if every fiber of his being was being choked by these invisible binds that coiled around him tightly. He was unable to break free.

And just like that the courage that was awakened in that split second of reaching out crumbled like blocks that were built without a central foundation.

_Because there was too much at stake against us._

The weak grip that Wooseok had on the other was loosened after a while, and the fingers were let go.

* * *

Seungyeon’s steps fastened. He found the bathroom and locked himself behind the door. Leaning over the sink, he hastily turned on the tap and didn’t bother to correct the temperature even if the freezing water that touched his skin then made him flinch. He furiously splashed his face with the water over and over again, wanting nothing but to erase the memory that persisted in his mind.

Albeit regardless of how many times he tried to make the freezing coldness distract him, the dejected figure of Kim Wooseok as it sat alone in loneliness didn’t leave his head.

Exhaling a shaky sigh, he turned off the tap and rested his hand against the edge of the sink. Seungyoun looked up to the mirror and caught the reflection of his own face. A face that was tired, conflicted and pained with guilt.

He closed his eyes and sighed again. Behind his eyelids, the image of the head that hung low resurfaced. Shaking his head, he struggled with himself as he tried to restrain the itching desire of going back to find the other and hold the smaller body in his arms. He wanted to touch Kim Wooseok, comfort him and erased the sadness away from the other’s face, but he knew better than to succumb to it.

Because he also understood the circumstances as much as Wooseok does.

The only problem here was these lingering feelings they had to deal with. It was impossible to eliminate these feelings when they had to see each other everyday, when they worked together, when they lived in the same house and had no way to avoid from encountering each other. And because of that, even if the resolve was made, the desire to be close that grew stronger each day with the distance was slowly eating the resolve away from the edges.

The more he tried to distance himself from Wooseok, the more the desire in him rebel to be obeyed. It was a torture just trying to deal with the inner conflict within himself everyday. The one and only thing that kept him going all these while was the thought that it would protect Wooseok’s happiness… But as he kept remembering how sad and broken Wooseok looked then, he started to question his reason of doing this for the other.

Is it right like this…?

Is it really right that I’m doing this for your happiness?

Wooseok-ah, I really don’t know anymore…


	9. Chapter 9

Wooseok was under a lot of stress.

As their company announced that they will be participating in a concert overseas, it was their main priority to make sure they are in their tip-top health. But Wooseok was struggling to take care of his health day by day. He had started to lose appetite and since then his diet started becoming irregular again. He also seemed to be keeping to himself a lot most of the times. When they reached home, the members barely saw his face as he locked himself in his room the whole day.

Seungyeon noticed all these. It was out of habit from checking on Wooseok, so he noticed how Wooseok barely ate, barely interacted with anyone and barely involving himself in activities with others. He was purposely isolating himself and Seungyeon grew worried as each day passed with him only being able to watch the closed door of Wooseok’s room.

In the morning when they were in the van heading to their schedules, Seungyeon realized how Wooseok seemed to be losing weight again. Wooseok’s face was pale and his body seemed to be lacking energy as he slept all the way in the van. Seungyeon kept a close eye on Wooseok during their practice, dreading something like before would happen again. A part of him was also frustrated because Wooseok was irresponsibly neglecting his health again especially when it was so close to the date of their overseas activities.

When he watched Wooseok only drinking water during break time, he sat beside the other and handed him a chocolate bar with its packet already torn open. “Eat this.”

The hand stayed in Wooseok’s vision, not budging even as he hesitated for a while. He took the chocolate and ate a small bite, feeling the gaze of Seungyeon on him at the same time. He knew Seungyeon was bothered because he noticed he wasn’t eating again. Although Seungyeon acted like that out of concern, but the kind gesture only put more stress on Wooseok. He took his last bite and handed the half-eaten bar back to Seungyeon without a word.

“Can’t you eat a little more? We’re going to practice the whole day today. You need more energy for it.” Seungyeon insisted further. Wooseok shook his head but Seungyeon kept being persistent to get him to eat. “Kim Wooseok, I’m not doing this because I like it. I’m doing this because I’m really worried of you, don’t you understand?” Seungyeon’s brows were deeply furrowed as he grabbed Wooseok’s wrist and made the other faced him.

For once, Wooseok felt his patience thinning as the other’s concern was forced on him.

He swatted Seungyeon’s hand away, glaring at the other in exasperation. “Can you stop it? I’m getting really sick of you caring after me.”

Wooseok stood up to leave. But Seungyeon stopped him in his tracks with his next words.

“If I’m not the one caring after you, then who would?”

Like Wooseok, Seungyeon too, felt his patience reaching its limit.

“You don’t even care for yourself, so tell me who would?!” Seungyoun was arguing with his voice raised, sounding angry for the first time. The careless attitude that Wooseok was showing him was really pushing Seungyeon to the edge of the cliff. This was not the first time Wooseok did this afterall.

Unaware by those two, the members around them who were shocked by Seungyeon’s sudden outburst could only watch nervously as they felt the tension between the two that seemed to stretch dreadfully like a taut wire about to snap any second.

After a long silence, Wooseok finally spoke again.

“...I don’t need anyone to care for me, especially not from you.” That low voice which had always spoke firmly and confidently seemed to be losing its control as it faltered towards the end. Seungyeon watched as Wooseok turned his head away, not missing the flicker of sadness that crossed past his expression then. “If you really want me to let you go, then please leave me alone. Don’t bother about me, don’t care about me, just please… stop all these.” The last part was a plea that was voiced softly yet was laced with desperation so thick that it was almost choking. The gap between them grew wider as Wooseok walked away from him. Seungyeon seemed to have lost himself for a while until the sound of the door slamming shut knocked him back to his senses.

Seungyeon immediately got up and chased after the other.

Outside, he caught sight of Wooseok while the other was climbing up the stairs. “Wooseok-ah.” Grabbing the other’s wrist urgently, he stopped the other from escaping. Surprised, Wooseok who didn’t expect Seungyeon to come after him was caught offguard and the crying face came inevitably into his view.

“Wooseok-ah…”

“...”

“...you’re crying...” Seungyeon mumbled in a small voice, as if it was directed to himself more for the need to force himself to swallow in that one sole realization. He watched the red eyes and cheeks that were wet with tears with a huge pang of guilt crushing his conscience. His grip slackened and Wooseok took that chance to snatch his wrist back, turning away to run from Seungyeon.

“Wooseok-ah!” Seungyeon chased after him again as they climbed the stairs that led all the way to the rooftop. When there was no more place to run off to, Wooseok stopped at the very middle of the huge space and crouched down, hiding his face between his knees.

The lonely dejected figure that sat by itself then was a strong reminiscence of that painful day where Seungyeon left Wooseok alone by himself.

But this time, the haze in Seungyeon’s mind seemed to have cleared.

This time, he will not leave him the same way again.

Seungyeon quietly approached the smaller figure and crouched in front of the other.

While watching the small shoulders trembled with sobs, he raised a hand to rest on the top of the soft brown head. I’m sorry. A silent message was spoken through the contact that was full of gentleness. I’m sorry. This time, he opened his arms and embrace the loneliness away from the figure. He continued to hug the shrunken form while stroking its head lovingly.

Seungyeon continued to comfort in silence until Wooseok calmed down. After a while, he watched as the small head slowly raised its face up.

The red teary eyes that met Seungyeon, looked tired and almost accusing. “…I told you to stop doing this, didn’t I?”

A guilty, apologetic smile instantly made its way on Seungyeon’s lips. But it didn’t stop him from doing more as he leaned closer forward and landed a gentle kiss to the other’s forehead. Wooseok’s eyes still looked as accusing as ever when their eyes met again and Seungyeon gave a wry smile in response.

“...But what should I do, Wooseok-ah?” Seungyeon gazed at him with an expression that was softened with a beautiful fragile sadness. “I can’t hold it back because I love you.” The voice that confessed was soft, small yet for the first of time, full of certainty.

Seungyeon had been battling with himself all these while, but right then and there he allowed himself to be free from any restraints and let the one thing that remained true to his heart to show its colours.

He loves Kim Wooseok with all his heart. No matter how hard he tried, he can never ignore nor pretend these feelings don’t exist.

In the distance, the sun was setting, casting an orange glow on Seungyeon’s face which was filled with sincerity and love. Wooseok couldn’t remove his gaze from the mesmerizing sight.

Seungyeon’s hand touched Wooseok’s cheek before the gap between their lips narrowed. The first press of lips made every bit of doubt and uncertainty that had lingered all these while vanished instantly into nothingness.

As if they never existed in the first place, as if they didn’t matter anymore.

Because afterall nothing could feel more right than this moment where their heart finally truly connected with each other.


	10. (intermission)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i intend to see this story to the end. hope you will continue following it till then. thank you for the interest till now!

Cho Seungyeon had always been in love with Kim Wooseok ever since he first laid eyes on him. In love with his smile, in love with his laughter, in love with how his eyes seemed to only be able to see him when they talked to each other.

Kim Wooseok wasn’t aware of it, but Cho Seungyeon had always purposely tried to be funny just to make the other laugh. Because when Kim Wooseok laughed, Cho Seungyeon’s whole world seemed to brighten a little more everyday. He worked hard to protect that smile and laughter, wanting only to see happiness on the other’s face.

That was Cho Seungyeon’s way of showing his love while keeping his feelings at bay.

Then when one day Wooseok collapsed in front of him, Seungyeon’s whole body shook like it never did before as he held the unresponsive body in his arms. As if his whole world had crashed down right in front of him, he felt himself losing his own control as he cried out the other’s name over and over again with a desperation that he had never felt before.

On that day, it was Cho Seungyeon who looked as if he was on the brink of losing his reason for everything in life. As if tethering at the edge of the cliff, Seungyeon waited for the doctor with a heart that was filled with anxiety while his mind swirled endlessly with self-blaming thoughts. Thoughts of the things that he could’ve done to prevent it from happening, things that he should’ve noticed faster, things that he tried to hold back because he didn’t want Wooseok to be burdened by his feelings-

Seungyeon never wanted to go through that feeling again. That feeling of almost losing someone important to him. After, when the doctor returned with a relieving news on Wooseok’s condition, Seungyeon vowed to not repeat the same mistake again as if it was his second chance to make things right this time.

He became more transparent with his feelings. He cared for Wooseok in a way like handling a precious fragile glass. Always looking out for the other, keeping the other close, becoming involved in even small petty matters. Despite that, Wooseok never pushed him away even once, never try to avoid the concerned touches or gestures or felt burdened by all the attention. Instead, it was then that Wooseok started to become closer to Seungyeon and started opening up to the latter.

It was also then that Seungyeon had an inkling that Wooseok had feelings for him too.

Even then, they never talked about it. Rather just immersing themselves in the moments together as days passed, until the line between friendship and love became blurred as they delved further without any awareness of the boundaries.

Those blissful days where they would just spend the days together, being close to each other, sharing their feelings and thoughts on every little things, doing the things they like, making music together, singing beside each other - Seungyeon wanted it to last.

Though it was inevitable that they had to face these ambiguous feelings at some point. But then Seungyeon didn’t have the courage to. Couldn’t be true to his feelings because he remembered the reason he was like this to Wooseok in the first place.

Because he wanted to protect Wooseok’s happiness.

If his feelings will ruin Wooseok’s happiness and future, then he would rather keep it hidden and pretended that it didn’t exist.

He thought he was strong enough to go through it. If it was for Wooseok, he thought he would be strong enough to go through anything.

But ironically the moment he realized how everything he was doing for Wooseok then was destroying the other, he came to a horrifying halt. As days passed and the more he saw the body ruining itself, the mind that gave in to stress and depression, the more he realized this wasn’t what he wanted for Wooseok.

Before he can even think of the consequences in the future, he had to worry about saving Wooseok in the present first.

And that became the sole reason he chased after the distraught Wooseok who was hurting due to his conflicting feelings and desire.

When he saw the tears, Seungyeon realized he had been doing the wrong thing afterall. If his decision is supposed to make Wooseok happy, then he wouldn’t be seeing these tears of sadness that flowed from those eyes which looked so lost and full of hurt.

I’m sorry. Was the only thought that occured to Seungyeon as he stroked the other’s head with a feeling of deep regret.

I was wrong. I’m sorry for hurting you.

Even after he put the other through all these difficulty, Wooseok merely gazed at him as if his feelings never changed.

In those eyes where they reflected only him at that moment, Seungyeon felt his chest clogged with an undescribable feeling. Guided purely by his feelings alone, his body moved before he can catch himself. 

The moment when their lips touched, it was like everything finally fit into its place. As if the puzzles that were long incomplete had finally found its last needed piece.


	11. Chapter 11

Wooseok crashed down with a fever the day after.

When they first noticed that Wooseok wasn’t coming out of his room, it was Seungyeon who barged into the room to discover Wooseok lying weakly on his bed. Wooseok’s breathing was a little faster than usual and his face was flushed from the heat. When Seungyeon rested a hand on the other’s forehead, the touch almost burned his skin.

It was immediately notified to their manager that Wooseok needed rest. With their overseas activity approaching in a week time, a speedy recovery was much needed to ensure Wooseok would be able to participate in the activity with everyone. They brought him to a clinic nearby to be examined and the doctor assured that it was a simple fever that would be gone after few days. Still, he was adviced to rest until he recover fully so the doctor also gave an antipyretic to be eaten daily to aid the recovery process. Seungyeon asked to stay back for at least a day or two until Wooseok regained some of his strength back.

So the members proceeded on with practice on that day without Seungyeon and Wooseok.

Seungyeon was used to nurse sick people. Back when he was in his old group, he was the one who would take care of the members when they were sick.

Unexpectedly, Cho Seungyeon was someone who was meticulous when it came to caring for others. With Wooseok, it would be the same too.

He got Wooseok to take his medicine after every fixed hours interval, feeding him the rice porridge that he prepared and made sure he was drinking enough water to not dehydrate himself.

Now, he had to replace the towel again because it had been a while since he put it on. Wringing the towel from the remaining water in the small basin, he made sure the moistness was at least enough to have that cooling effect. Brushing back the other’s bangs, he placed the small towel back neatly on the other’s forehead.

Wooseok’s face twitched a little at the feel of a contrasting temperature on his face. Seungyeon briefly felt the heat on the other’s cheek and neck with the back of his hand. The cooling touch made Wooseok’s eyelids lifted open slightly.

“Seungyeon-ah…” It was probably the first time Wooseok had said something ever since Seungyeon found him sick this morning.

“Yeah?” Seungyeon asked softly, leaning closer to not miss whatever it was the other wanted to say. His hand was still caressing the other’s cheek in a soothing back and forth motion.

Wooseok blinked his bleary eyes heavily before closing them again.

“It’s cold…”

“Cold? Ah, sorry-” He was about to remove his hand after realizing what Wooseok meant, but Wooseok quickly held onto his hand and kept it in place. 

“No… I like it… Keep it like this.” The cheek seemed to feel warmer as it leaned further into Seungyeon’s touch. The fingers that held onto his were like that of a child’s.

Seungyeon gently stroked the other’s head with a soft smile on his lips.

“Wooseok-ah…” It was Seungyeon who called out to him this time.

“Hmm…?”

“I’m sorry.”

“...Why?” Due to the apology that came out unexpectedly, Wooseok opened his eyes again and kept them open despite the weight that tugged on his eyelids so heavily.

Seungyeon brought up their interlaced fingers together to kiss the back of Wooseok’s hand briefly.

“For making you go through such a hard time.” Because of his fear and uncertainty, he had made Wooseok suffer all these while and that was the reason why Wooseok fell sick. Because of him.

Wooseok let out a soundless laughter, smiling with his lips. “I’m not the only one who did. You did, too, because of me… Now too, staying back to take care of me...” Cho Seungyeon did things merely because he was thinking of him. Every single time, always doing things selflessly, for his sake. Like an idiot…

Wooseok was the one who kissed the back of Seungyeon’s hand this time as he brought their connected hands to his lips. His lips lingered on the cool skin, trailing all the way to the bony prominence on the other’s wrist before it stopped. Wooseok kept the hand tightly clasped in his hold even after he fell asleep on it.

As the time passed, Seungyeon can only watch the sight with a heart that was warmed deeply with love.

* * *

When the other members arrived home later that evening, they entered Wooseok’s room to check on his condition. The latter was sleeping and overall looking much better than he did before, so after being reassured they all quietly left the room.

“Hyung, did you eat yet? We brought take-aways for you.”

Hyeongjun, who realized Seungyeon hadn’t eaten the whole day, then offered to take over for a while to care for Wooseok while Seungyeon went to eat.

At the living room, Seungyeon saw Seungwoo sitting on the sofa.

“Seungyeon-ah.” Seungwoo smiled at the sight of the other. As if knowing what the other came out for, Seungwoo made space for Seungyeon to sit beside him while shifting the plastic containing food in front of him.

“We bought you your favourite hamburger.” Seungwoo’s voice was as warm as the option of food that was made in consideration for Seungyeon.

“Thanks, hyung.” Seungyeon smiled back as he sunk in his seat beside Seungwoo. Now when he was finally out of the room, only then he felt the hunger that had laid dormant the whole day. Taking care of Wooseok took out so much space in his mind that he barely had any room to think about eating.

As Seungwoo watched his dongsaeng bit a huge chunk of the burger into his mouth, he laughed for a while. After the laughter faded, Seungwoo’s expression returned to its usual gentle calmness.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Seungyeon, who was wolfing down his remaining burger, answered immediately. Nothing is better than eating his favourite food when his stomach was empty.

“...No, Seungyeon-ah.”

At the strange sound of disagreement from Seungwoo, Seungyeon slowed down from eating and only then started looking at the other properly. The gentle calmness was still evident on that face despite the feeling at that moment which was hinting at something deeper.

“What I meant is are you okay with Wooseok now?”

“...”

As he searched Seungwoo’s eyes, he realized there was something that Seungwoo seemed to know that he didn’t know.

“Have the two of you decided on what kind of relationship you’re going to have with each other?”

Seungyeon’s mind was suddenly blank as he tried to make sense of Seungwoo’s words. It took him a full minute to realize the weight of the situation.

Seungwoo knows.

He knows about them.

Seungyeon turned away from Seungwoo, as if he was recoiled. The gears in his mind started turning with anxiety.

Cho Seungyeon was the type who didn’t like to burden other people with his problems. He was also not the type who could easily tell others that he was going through a hard time. And that was always the reason why he could come up with writing so many songs about the hardship and the turbulent emotions he had went through in life. Because that was his most comfortable way of expressing himself. With music.

Therefore confronting someone else about his problem right now was proving to be an arduous task for him to handle.

“...How did you know?” He didn’t dare to face Seungwoo. Afterall, he also felt the weight of the guilt that instantly increased tenfold on his back with the realization that Seungwoo had known about them.

“...Seungyeon-ah, it’s not really that hard to see that something is going on between the two of you this past month.” To be honest, Seungwoo thinks its not just him who knew something was going on. The other members probably knew it too, but didn’t say anything about it because the matter seemed to be something that was out of their comfort zone to discuss about.

Seungwoo had seen the closeness between the two of them, then the sudden distance before witnessing that day where Seungyeon burst out to Wooseok.

Initially, he wanted the two of them to sort their feelings out by themselves first because he knew if it came to the matter of feelings, he had no rights to intervene between them because only they knew how they feel about each other. But at some point when he noticed how Wooseok was gradually falling behind and deteriorating, he thought it was time for him to step up regardless if it was a matter between just the two of them. Because he is the leader of X1 and his responsibility was to keep the peace and unity of the group.

But then, he realized Seungyeon wasn’t really that hopeless afterall.

After that day witnessing Wooseok storming out from the practice room and Seungyeon chasing after him, there was immediately an air of unsettlement in the group due to the practice that had to be forced on-hold due to the sudden absence of the two members. Seungwoo, who quickly took on his role as a pacifist in that situation, reassured the members that everything was fine and to continue their break a little longer while he went after the two.

He ended up hearing the commotion between the two and followed them to the rooftop, where the door that was unintentionally left ajar gave Seungwoo a view of those two. And one look was all it took for Seungwoo to realize that they had sorted things out between them.

The love between the two seemed to be more real than anything he had ever seen.

“Seungyeon-ah.” Seungwoo finally said, resting his hand above Seungyeon’s own after a long silence.

He knew what was weighing the other’s mind. It was not the phase of confused feelings any longer, he knew well now after watching those two who seemed to link their hearts together with a love that was even clear to an outsider’s eyes.

It was now the matter of the group’s acceptance towards the two’s relationship.

It was this that seemed to be the core of Seungyeon’s worry after they had sorted their feelings out. Because it was inevitable that their group members will realize gradually once they got into a relationship.

Seungyeon lifted his head up hesitantly to meet Seungwoo’s eyes. Seungwoo smiled at the face that was if expecting to be blamed.

“It’s okay. What’s more important is that you follow your feelings... In fact, everyone here has always been following their feelings to achieve what they want in life, to reach their dreams, and that is how we end up here, together as one. Because we follow our feelings and trust in them. We all have something in common in that sense. And that’s why I believe we all can understand and respect it if you follow your feelings and what your heart wants. If both of you want to be together, then do as what you feel.”

At that moment, the touch on his hand was as if giving him a gentle yet resilient strength. It was the first time Seungyeon had felt the words of someone that was so earnestly accepting even in the face of such a situation where he was nothing but being selfish.

It was harder to look at Seungwoo with his vision that was gradually getting blurry.

A hand patted him on the back comfortingly. “I’ll think of a way to tell this to the other members properly, though I’m pretty sure all of them will feel the same way as me… But that can wait for now.”

At that moment, the door to Wooseok’s room opened and Hyeongjun came out bringing out the towel and the basin of water in his hands. When he saw Seungyeon who was about to cry, Hyeongjun’s eyes widened as he immediately put the things in his hands down, going to Seungyeon’s side to hug the other with a worried whine.

“What’s wrong, hyung~? Did Seungwoo-hyung bully you?” Hyeongjun’s tone was almost accusing as he hugged Seungyeon to him as if he was protecting the other. Seungwoo made a sound of incredulousness.

“Yah… how could you say I’m bullying him…”

“Then why is Seungyeon-hyung crying~?”

Ah, it was the first time Seungyeon let his real honest emotions showed itself as he let himself cry in the comfort of another.

A place where he felt safe to be himself. It felt like home.


	12. Chapter 12

Wooseok recovered fully from his fever 3 days later and joined for practice until the day they flew overseas for their schedule.

In the span of that few days, quite a few things have changed.

First, the group atmosphere had become more cheerful as it felt like Seungyeon and Wooseok had finally settled the discord between them and acted like how they usually would again, with the closeness they they had lost for a while returning back full force, if not more (even if Han Seungwoo hadn’t told the kids about the two yet, most of them more or less already had an idea what was going on…except for Nam Dohyon who of course could only be aware of things that concerned food and nothing else).

Second, Wooseok started to regain his appetite back and started to order chicken feet almost everyday and forced the other members to eat it with him (not that they were complaining because they ended up getting addicted to it too in the end).

Third, the sweetness between Seungyeon and Wooseok that seemed to occur more often ever since that day where they confronted their true honest feelings.

Despite the romantic relationship that was established between them, they were reserved with their physical contacts, keeping the skinship to a bare minimum when in front of others.

However, once they were alone, it seemed to be hard for them to keep their hands off from each other.

It was sometime just before their rehearsal, in a dark room somewhere in the backstage. The other members were waiting in the waiting room, but both Seungyeon and Wooseok had went off because they were bored. They went to the stage, circled around the audience area and somehow at some point, ended up finding a room that was isolated at a corner.

Of course, contacts that were more intimate than normal between them these days were only done behind closed doors and hidden spaces where no one could see them. Seungyeon took the advantage and pulled Wooseok into the dark room for a quick kiss. Quick as it was, there was also tongue and saliva mixed into the kiss. Seungyeon’s larger frame shielded Wooseok from view as the other was flattened against a wall.

As soon as their lips parted with a wet lewd sound, Wooseok grabbed Seungyeon’s collar and yanked the other back to him again. The initial quick kissing session eventually turned to become something longer and more as inhibition was let go completely in the sudden moment of intense passion. In the darkness, their bodies were pulled flush against each other while their wandering hands impatiently felt each other all over.

Seungyeon had one knee between Wooseok’s legs, rubbing the crotch that seemed to awaken gradually with arousal. Wooseok threw his head back against the wall when Seungyeon hands slipped into his pants and touched his most sensitive part.

“Seungyeon-ah… are we really going to do it here?” Wooseok’s voice was barely above a whisper, the anxiety of doing it in a public place override his desire in a moment of hesitancy.

“Says the one who keeps wanting to kiss for almost half an hour...” Seungyeon laughed breathlessly, amused as he licked the neck in front of him which was shivering with pleasure. “…It’s kinda too late to back away now.” Seungyeon’s voice dropped to a low tone, reminding Wooseok of the reality of the situation at the moment as he let the other feel their fully hard arousal rubbing against each other through the thin cotton material of their pants.

After the 3 days Wooseok took to recover, they only had 2 days left to get ready before they flew off and because there was a lot of catching up to do, the practice lasted really late into the night and they barely had enough time to do anything else other than the quick secret kiss from time to time.

Both of them had been holding themselves back for a while, and it seemed like a waste if they didn’t benefit this one hour free time they had before rehearsal to its max.

Somehow, the mounting desire for each other that had been suppressed for too long had finally burst out into an extreme need for closeness and physical contact.

Impatience, eagerness, hunger. We’re really out of our mind… Wooseok thought while Seungyeon stroked him to fullness. His body yielded to every of Seungyeon’s touches submissively as if he was a beast in heat. Seungyeon’s breath started to become harsher as he struggled to keep his control. Just the mere feeling of the other’s body which responded eagerly to him was enough to make his desire peak at its highest.

The room was only barely lighted by the sliver of ray that peeked through the half-opened window. But it was enough to see Wooseok at its sexiest. A chuckle passed Seungyeon’s lips then at the realization.

All these while, he had always thought the face Wooseok used on stage was his sexiest expression, and he reveled in the fact that no one but him would ever know that it was this expression he was making right now that could make even a man like Seungyeon weak on his knees.

Wooseok’s lips were moist and swollen from being kissed repeatedly and the half-lidded eyes that flickered up to gaze at Seungyeon at that moment were full of sensuality while at the same time looking so endearing with its whole-hearted devotion and love. It was probably only Wooseok who can create this kind of effect towards him. Its sexy in a crazy incomprehensible yet lovable kind of way.

He stroked Wooseok until the other started gasping, before a delicious shudder coursed through his whole body as he released himself.

The expression that distorted briefly at the height of release started unraveling its strength gradually to loosen into beautifully softened features.

At that moment, Wooseok opened his arms as if he was asking for a hug and Seungyeon’s heart almost drowned in an overwhelming rush of love as he accepted the arms that wound tightly around his neck.

Seungyeon wrapped his arms around the other and swept his lips on the other briefly before proceeding to land butterfly kisses on every inch of the beautiful face. As if entranced, he forgot all about his ownself and could only focus on Wooseok who was so lovely in front of him. When Wooseok’s hand crept down wanting to touch him, he gently clasped the thin wrist in his hold and brought it to his lips to trail kisses all along the pale expanse of skin down his forearm. As if all the desire and hunger from before had evaporated into thin air, there was only the need to convey warmth and affection towards the other.

Amidst the silent kisses, Wooseok could feel the loud pounding of Seungyeon’s heartbeat against his from their contact. He slipped a hand in between their bodies and touched the area where Seungyeon’s heart was beating. A soft smile made its way on his lips as he closed his eyes and continued to feel the rhythmic beating of Seungyeon’s heart which was matching his own.

Seungyeon rested his forehead against the other, feeling the long eyelashes of the other tickling the area below his eyes. The close proximity made the senses heightened to each other even more as they drank in all the emotions that flitted across each other’s expression. A shared laughter, before another kiss. This time, a kiss that was soft, slow and lingering with sweetness.

Before long, they heard their name being called from a distance.

They separated as if burnt, before realizing with a laugh that the automated reaction that was conjured in that moment’s fear was unnecessary. They fixed their hair and clothes before coming out of the room, walking side-by-side and smiling when they saw the other members already ready to begin rehearsal on stage.

Three hours later, they finally came to the stage to be greeted by the booming cheers and support of thousands of fans. The lights in the huge concert hall dimmed and soon a beautiful sea of colourful lights glimmered and spread throughout the vast expanse of darkness.

They performed as one and felt the same exhilaration and trepidation that ran through their nerves as if it was the day of their debut all over again. The adrenaline, happiness and all other emotions mixed into one and burst into sparkles all over the stage.

As the concert neared its end, they stood together in a line. Seungyeon stood beside Wooseok, smiling as he held the other’s hand in his tightly. The rest followed, intertwining their hands together with one another before bowing deeply.

Faith, respect, gratitude, and a love that promised no ends.

11 boys followed what their heart wants and found their home under a shelter built together by blood, sweat and tears.

And 2 boys followed what their heart wants and found true love amidst the sea of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has finally reached the end. thank you to everyone who has followed the story till now and leave comments, kudos and bookmarks! i really appreciate every single one of them ^^ it has been a horrible drought for seungseok and x1 these days, but i only hope good things will happen to them from now on.
> 
> feel free to follow my twitter for x1/seungseok-related posts and updates on my future fics: [pastel](https://twitter.com/blue_solitia)


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